Closing Remarks

By the end of this week, I will be temporarily closing a chapter in my life. As I write these words down, there's a continuous sinking feeling within me. The depth of which is unknown and I have no idea when that sinking feeling will stop. It seems that the conduct of neurosurgical training has evolved into something I barely recognize. I shall compare it to a degenerative disease. The course is unpredictable but downhill. This is not due to any sense of self-importance that I have, but just as an observations. Rounds have become superficial, lacking in formality. As one resident proudly puts it, they are in "auto-pilot" mode. Does seeing patients entail something that's run-of-the-mill? To obviate negative judgment on my co-residents, I turn back to the consultants who are supposedly regulating the conduct of training. I cannot help but ask, what led to the laxity of training? What happened to the value of bedside manners and patient care? I am not saying that they do not have both, to a certain extent they do, but clearly lacking as they do their rounds on an "auto-pilot" mode? My sinking feeling accounts for the fact that I am chief resident and all these behaviors somehow reflect on me and our training. I've passionately dedicated several years of my life looking after patients who are not my own with all the integrity and boldness that my mentors have taught me. Why is it now that the young ones are not being taught about these values? My mentor previously mentioned that they lack maturity. Nobody goes through neurosurgical training. It is a rigorous phase of professional development that naturally requires one to shed blood, sweat, and tears. But why does it seem like it is a walk in the park these days? As I pour out these sentiments, the sinking feeling continuous. I texted one of the residents to update me regarding two patients he missed updated me about. It has been 40 minutes since my last message and I haven't received a response. My disappointments are mounting to the size of Mount Mauna Loa, and I am afraid that I am repressing too much to the point of having another outburst that only I can understand. ----- LOL written months ago! Currently at qmmc having the time of my life lalalalala